What do you do in a dilemma?

A couple of friends have recently been caught up in a dilemma that I’ve been unable to help them navigate through.  They asked me what I would do in the same circumstances and I had to say, that I couldn’t say what I would do because how I am is different to how they are and my actions and reactions are based on completely different backgrounds, ethics, morals and upbringing.

But, it’s hard because I want to be able to help – one friend recently referred to me as Thunderbird 3, probably because I tend to get involved.  The problem is that I know both friends, I know the others involved and I can see that there is no easy conclusion to the whole problem – so where do I go, if I help one am I rejecting the others?

I’m sorry to be so vague about what this is, but having had to deal with something very similar in my own life with friends who decide to take sides, I’m not prepared to do that to those I care about.  Perhaps I should just say “I’ll sit on the fence and be here in a way that is as impartial as I can be”.

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  1. For me, the key to this is that they asked for you to say what YOU would do in the same circumstances. You are right to say you cannot answer – for THEM. Thay doesn’t mean you cannot answer. You can sit on the fence and avoid the issue which runs the risk of alienating both parties as they are likely to see you as caring more for the other than them. Another option is to ask if they want advice from you as a friend or as a counsellor. They must choose one and having had that advice cannot then switch to hear the alternative. It’s situations like this that highlight just how much of ourselves we have invested in our friendships. I don’t envy you the problem. By the way this comment comes from me as a friend:}