john p kildemm

Meeting John P Kildemm, author of Hey Doorman V111

This week, I’d like to say hello to John P Kildemm, author of a Hey Doorman V111: True tales of an uncommon bouncer in Los Angeles. It’s a sideways chronicle of the night life in the City of Angels.

What is one thing that no-one would usually know about you?

I had a batting average of over .700 in little league and if not for a 13 year old pitcher and catcher (which is illegal in little league) on the opposing team, my team would have made it to the regional little league world series. Although in full disclosure, it wasn’t really my team because a kid named Kenji hit over .800 that season.

Have you ever written naked?

I have never written naked. But I must admit that is an excellent question, as you’re subtly conjuring up an image of sex in an author interview. And that is pretty  cool. In the future I think I will write the first chapter while naked, just so I can bring that up in interviews. Damn what my roommate thinks!

Who would you like to play you in a film of your life?

Three choices. #1 Bill Murray. He is seriously great in everything and in his own words, he makes being an asshole come across as charming. #2 OJ Simpson. He’s a good bad actor, yet people can’t look away (as evidenced by having a hit TV show on FX and an Oscar nominated documentary; all while being in prison). Plus he would be so pissed off at having to play a nobody like myself he would murder someone on set. #3 Meryl Streep. She is the greatest actor of the last 30 years. It doesn’t matter that she’s not black or male, she would absolutely murder (and not in an OJ way) as me on screen.

Do you have any hints or tips for aspiring writers?

Keep writing. Don’t stop writing. Too $hort would tell you the same thing. And Too $hort knows what he’s talking about. That’s why he’s Too $hort. And you’re not.

How do you remain sane while working?

I don’t. I pretty much take on the personality of my main characters (usually the villains), which can make me a not so good person to be around. But it spring boards my writing, especially dialogue, every time.

What was the most important thing you learned at school?

That I don’t like school. In other words, I learned that most of what I have an affinity to learn (music, creative writing, comedy) cannot be learned in a class room. In my opinion, what school (primarily higher education) does best is make people who want to learn, learn how to pass tests.

What is the book that you wished you had written?

Blood Meridian or No Country For Old Men. Basically anything by Cormac McCarthy.

What is your favorite TV moment of all time?

David Letterman turning his blackmail/sexual scandal incident completely around. It is the most impressive 10 minutes of television I have ever seen. He turned a public who was (despite the live audience) dead set against him, to being completely, totally, and utterly on his side with grace and humor. I don’t believe there is anyone else who could have pulled that off; dead or alive. Besides that, about a half dozen of Chappelle Show sketches (Rick James, Mad Real World, Black Bush, Black White Supremacist, Wayne Brady, Prince… not to mention Chappelle on Inside The Actors Studio).

Tea, Coffee, Water, Juice, Wine or Beer … which do you prefer when writing?

Water. I never drink alcohol when I’m writing (editing is a different story), it just makes me want to write a bunch of dick jokes. I don’t drink coffee.

If you could commit the perfect murder where would you hide the body?

Could??? You don’t know a damn thing about me. . . It’s never about hiding the body, it’s about making it so that you never have to hide the body.



You can find Hey Doorman V111 in paperback format here:



These posts are called The Thursday Throng in honour of the throng that waits eagerly outside the book store when a new author is doing a book signing event or appearance. On this website it takes the form of a ‘Meet the Author‘ online event with some information about our author’s latest book and an interview. If you would like to take part in the Thursday Throng then why not visit Thursday Throng Author Interview Guidelines to find out more.

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  1. sounds like a good read – a lifetime ago the rugby team I played on provided doormen/bouncers for a nightclub in Cleveland on the weekends. I can say that most likely all stories are under-exaggerated… ah, the memories of a misspent youth…