Hello, I just joined because I truly need the support this wonderful forum offers. I’m an American living in the US, and I hope you won’t hold that against me here, honestly. I haven’t found such a lovely place for support where I am, so here I am. 😕
My story is Winkleberrybees’s story. It has now been 8 years since I had my TOTAL hysterectomy, which I had performed due to fibroids causing near hemorrhaging (sp) during my periods. It wasn’t I who made the decision to have a total – it was my surgeon’s. I assumed because I went to great trouble to find an excellent reproductive surgeon at one of the finest hospitals in the world, that I could rely on his expertise and judgement to educate me and do the best thing on my behalf.
I was only 49yrs old. I had had no diseased tissue, I was quite healthy and very much enjoyed sex – always had. When I was with a skilled lover/partner/husband, or when I masturbated I often enjoyed multiple orgasms, sometimes reaching as many as 6! For the first 5 or 6 months after my hysterectomy I didn’t concern myself with the lack of thorough and “deep” orgasms since I knew our bodies go through many changes following childbirth and surely following hysterectomy. But at about 6 months it suddenly hit me like lightening…..”this was it.” This was my “new normal” in the sexual pleasure department!!
My sex drive remained just as happily robust as ever, and all the other aspects of sexual arousal were working as wonderfully as they had always – UNTIL climax – at which….almost nothing happened! I was MORTIFIED! After I thought about it I quickly realized that the reason I no longer had the lovely pelvic contractions, where the cervix actually rhythmically dips down into the vaginal canal in hopes of meeting seminal fluid (I saw this on a video in a grad course on sexual development) was because I NO LONGER HAD A CERVIX AND THE END OF MY VAGINAL CANAL HAD BEEN SEWN SHUT.
I was just flabbergasted at my stupidity for not having realized that even in 2004 male surgeons STILL DID NOT FULLY UNDERSTAND THE FUNCTION AND DYNAMICS OF THE FEMALE ORGASM!! The ONLY thing my surgeon ever said to me about the subject of post-surgery sex was this, and he said it a month AFTER my surgery, “You may notice a few sexual changes” he said dismissively. I blamed myself for my naivete.
As I began to “experiment” anew with my husband (and secretly alone with a vibrator) to see what changes we could attempt to make to improve the situation, I melted into tears with each attempt to have that final release following glorious tender foreplay….nothing worked. I did eventually discover that if I contorted myself in just the right manner I could sometimes have a mild little flicker of orgasmic pleasure, but it was very minimal compared to the past.
I felt like I was becoming a bit of a nymphomaniac because I would become so aroused during sex but never became “satisfied” and felt I was constantly wanting more…One night, 4 years later, after particularly heated sex and no climax, I crept weeping and furious, out to the living room at 1:00am and I dialed the hospital and the department where my surgeon practiced.
Finding him not there at what was 4am there, I asked for the highest ranking doctor. A young female Resident doctor came on the phone and I poured my heart out to her. I told her my story, and I asked her to please remember what I was saying. I begged her to consider the legions of other women who may consider going under the knife to lose their ovaries, womb, tubes, cervix and their ability to have an orgasm, and to try to spread the word to the doctors who may not be educated well enough on female anatomy and sexuality to avoid others from suffering my fate.
In closing, I must add that in cases of cancer and all other serious health concerns which could affect a woman’s life and wellness, hysterectomy of any type that will eliminate her health threat must be performed, of course. My story is a cautionary tale only for those women who have no medical reason to lose their cervix (and perhaps their ovaries). Today, 8 years later, I no longer weep helplessly when the subject of my sexuality crosses my mind. I am no longer married nor am I involved with anyone at present due to other pursuits I’m happily involved in. I certainly hope to find love again, and know that I will continue to have to make-do with my situation and make the most of what I do have that is positive in my sexuality and in my overall life in general.
When one considers that a full 1/3 of all women statistically have never reached an orgasm, then I can feel quite fortunate that I have been blessed with wonderful sexual experiences in my life. I hope women will get to know their own bodies without shame or embarrassment. Find out for themselves what works for them and why, during sex. Speak up to their partners about what they need in terms of the type of touch which pleases them, etc.
I would love to hear from any of you with similar experiences to mine, to know how you’ve coped and what your perspective might be on these very private, often difficult matters. Thank you so much for reading my post. I’m grateful to be here.
Now available on our online store and all other online book store’s. In My Own Words: Women’s Experience of Hysterectomy is full of many other real-life stories from women the world over.
Other people’s stories help women feel less isolated. They show that they aren’t going mad, missing the point or stupid.