Tales of t’Internet – Lord Google Issues A Decree

The continuation of the Tales of the Kindgom of t’Internet, a slightly irreverent look at search engine optimisation.

As the Lord’s of the kingdom of t’Internet surveyed the wreckage that the land was become they were dismayed, and they decided to hold a gathering of the mighty and the noble to determine how to navigate the problem. Their desire was to once more turn the fortunes of the people who lived within the Kingdom towards a lighter future by increasing the gold they earned when visitors came upon their homes and businesses.

In the course of their discussion they realised that the problems had begun when they had allowed all manner of people to inhabit the land without understanding if they were beneficial to the land or if they simply sought to rape and pillage.

Laws were passed which meant that those who would bring dishonour upon others within the Kingdom would be banished from the great data base machines that worked hard in the dungeons of the castles. Their homes and businesses were confiscated and they were driven over the borders into the lands of Facebook and MySpace.

In time it became apparent that it was not enough to simply remove the people from the Kingdom; they had found many ways to infiltrate the land and to steal the wealth that was once more being accumulated by those who did the laws bidding. Over time they found ways that they could secrete themselves within the confines of buildings or along highways; jumping out upon the unsuspecting and unwary to gain control over their horse and carriage or to steal their most precious of secrets.

Once more the mighty and the noble came together to discuss the problem at length; and through the days and nights that followed one man was seen as mighty above all others for the ideas he shared and the mechanisms he had added to his data base machines. Lord Google shone like a beacon of hope upon the horizon; in years to come it would be said that he almost eclipsed the sun in his brightness.

At the end of the long days and nights of discussion it was agreed that Lord Google would issue the decree that all other Lords would abide by; for it was acknowledged by all that he was indeed the greatest of the great, best of the best and the one Lord which would vanquish the aimless, the dissatisfied and the ne’er do well forever.

The decree that he issued was comprised of much helpful and useful information for those who had always lived lightly upon the land. Simple rules were laid out for all to heed and abide by; those who chose not to follow the law would be encouraged to make the necessary change and if they failed to do so, would be removed.

From this day forth all inhabitants of the land were required to undertake the following tasks:

  1. All premises must be regularly cleaned and painted to demonstrate the commitment of the people to their customers.
  2. Old products must be removed lest they contaminate visitors with their vile smell and taste.
  3. Newspaper sheets must be published regularly to tell visitors to the land where they should be looking for the best fruits, vegetables and tidbits that the land could offer.
  4. Painted signage must be added to buildings, highways and byways to enable those looking to find the things they required quickly and easily.
  5. Lords must be told immediately should something change so they are able to make changes to their vast data base machines.
  6. The information given by the inhabitants must not be shared with others for this confused visitors leading many astray and onto dangerous paths where wolves and robbers still lurked.
  7. All imagery used by inhabitants must be created specially for them lest they fall foul of the law.
  8. No people must call the names of other inhabitants’ names in vain.

To be continued ……

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